Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Today, October 15th, is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

The remembrance day started in the USA in 2002 and is now recognized as a world wide day of remembrance in the parenting community.

I am truly blessed to have had 3 healthy boys but I have also lost 2 babies. I have had 1 live birth, 1 loss, 1 live birth, 1 loss and 1 live birth.

Both were unplanned as I was still on the pill but it doesn`t make it any easier to get over.

The second time I found out I was pregnant was 5 weeks before our wedding day on my hen do, I have been told the stress of planning the wedding stopped the pill from working efficiently, but who knows??? A few days later I lost the pregnancy, so our wedding day was had a shadow over it which only close family and friends knew about.

The fourth time I found out I was pregnant was a complete shock as son #2 was only 7 months old. Again I lost the pregnancy a few days after finding out.

Each pregnancy ended at around the 8-10 week mark, we are not 100% sure because of being on the pill, but the doctors estimated the dates by my blood hormone levels.

In a way I am glad that they ended before I`d had a chance to see them on a scan and bond with them even more than I had already.

Saying that it didn`t stop my mind going into overdrive the moment I saw a positive result.

Within a nanosecond I`d begun to imagine if it was a boy or a girl, picked names, wondered what career they would choose and began to plan our life around them. And all of that was taken away within a few days of knowing I was pregnant each time.

It was hard enough for me to deal with the loss of my pregnancies at such an early stage so I have no idea how families deal with late stage pregnancy loss, stillborn and infant losses.

I think about them every day and will never forget them even though we never got to meet them;  we have a private celebration when it would of been their birthdays.

So to everyone out there who has suffered a loss at any stage this is our day.

I will be lighting a candle for my two angels at 7 pm tonight in remembrance of them.